Short Story – If Animals Suddenly Could Talk

If animals suddenly could talk. I probably wouldn’t notice right away. I don’t have any pets, except for the chickens.

I would wander out to the chicken coop without any clue something was different until they came wandering towards the door. “Treats? Treats? Do you have treats?”

“Huh? Did I hear something?” I’d shrug and continue with my chores. “Well, here’s some fresh water and some kitchen scraps.”

“Treats? Treats? What is it? Is it edible?” Then they’d look up at me. If they had eyebrows they might be scowling. “Are you trying to poison us? This is not treats!”

“Seriously?” I’d ask. “You wolfed this down just last week!” Then I would probably realize what was going on. “Whaaaaaaaa?! Did you just talk?!!!!!” I’d end up walking backwards in utter shock, tripping on my feet, and land with my backside in a snow pile.

“We want treats! Yesterday treats!”

With my mind whirling, trying to figure out what in the world was going on, I’d respond “But, but, there isn’t any more.”

I’d sit there wondering if I was going crazy then the neighbor’s dog would chime in. “Hey! There’s someone on my turf!”

“Huh? Oh, it’s you. I’m not on your turf! I’m just feeding the chickens. See that fence? That’s the edge of your turf!”

“Oh. Okay…. Wait! That deer across the road is on my turf! And that runner is on my turf! And that leaf is blowing through my turf!”

Then the other neighbor’s little dog on the other side of a white vinyl fence would join in. “What’s going on? I can hear things. What’s that noise? I want to see. Let me see! Is it something fun? I want to do it too!”

In the meantime, the chickens would have been in their own little world. “What is this? Is it edible?” Forgetting they had just complained about it. “Yum! Mine!” As chickens do, they would run off chasing whoever had one morsel and forget about the rest of the food. “Mine! I want it!” “Give it to me! That’s mine!” “I want that! It’s mine!” Then the chicken on the bottom of the pecking order would silently come over, try the food, then snarf it up before the others had realized there was more of what they were chasing.

At this point I’d lock up the chicken coop to keep them safe, then I’d go back to bed without even checking the nest boxes for eggs.